My first job in Hollywood was doing the big poop that Laura Dern reaches into in Jurassic park

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) February 17, 2020

from http://twitter.com/robdelaney
via IFTTT

more comics at https://t.co/bLcTqRclTt follow me there. pic.twitter.com/q2aZKA0siy

— drewtoothpaste (@drewtoothpaste) February 12, 2020

from http://twitter.com/drewtoothpaste
via IFTTT

Audience Member: “Who is going to be your Mike Pence? Who is going to look at you with adoring eyes?”

Elizabeth Warren: “I already have a dog.”

Warren would dismantle Trump in a debate with her quick-wittedness. pic.twitter.com/MBKOE8Pd5t

— Ryan Knight ???? ? (@ProudResister) February 10, 2020

from http://twitter.com/ProudResister
via IFTTT

#Trump #Ronseal pic.twitter.com/dx4pMcmDnU

— HappyToast ? (@IamHappyToast) February 8, 2020

from http://twitter.com/IamHappyToast
via IFTTT

It sure as fuck is. https://t.co/mIVHNJRwR9

— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) January 31, 2020

from http://twitter.com/Sethrogen
via IFTTT

Translation: With this ingenious trick you can easily smuggle a candy bar into an American cinema! https://t.co/3T1493PoH2

— Ed Solomon (@ed_solomon) January 27, 2020

from http://twitter.com/ed_solomon
via IFTTT

Tonight's #StartrekPicard prep viewing was the extended "Measure of a Man", one of my favorite Trek episodes for the past 31 years. Still great. Patrick Stewart's stage training on full display, and best tactical use of Guinan ever.

— Jason Snell (@jsnell) January 22, 2020

from http://twitter.com/jsnell
via IFTTT

IT’S HERE! Check out the new James Bond #NoTimeToDie theme song from @billieeilish #LSSC pic.twitter.com/9tMcIKwKJc

— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) January 17, 2020

from http://twitter.com/colbertlateshow
via IFTTT

as long as it keeps bees away from my picnic https://t.co/KaMx8t4VTL

— blaine capatch (@blainecapatch) January 11, 2020

from http://twitter.com/blainecapatch
via IFTTT

Looking to get jacked in 2020. If there aren’t any takers I’ll just keep doing it myself.

— Morton Downey III (@cushbomb) December 28, 2019

from http://twitter.com/cushbomb
via IFTTT