Goodbye, Apone. RIP Al Matthews pic.twitter.com/MsxXFpPBPB

— Duff Goldman (@duffgoldman) September 24, 2018

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Thanks to Paul McCartney, now when people ask about my 25 year relationship with Andy Richter, I can say, “we’re friends but we’re not ‘masturbate-together’ friends.”

— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) September 15, 2018

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I just told my sister not to tell mother I’m letting her watch this movie so I don’t get in trouble and it brought me back to the good old days when father would say that before just about every movie we watched

— josie michelle (@Josiemlp) September 14, 2018

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@robdelaney pic.twitter.com/Qf7ys2YPU8

— Kev Rich (@kevantrich) September 12, 2018

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AIDE 1: How do we make the moron happy today?

AIDE 2: This is probably too stupid, but what if we told him he set the presidential record for most years since 9/11?

TRUMP: https://t.co/BEPP0hVsBc

— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) September 11, 2018

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If you’re in Hollywood today, go get it! ?@AdamPerryLang? https://t.co/8vy8F4QQmC

— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) August 29, 2018

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The time has finally come… On Aug. 27 at 11:30 AM I’ll be getting my very own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (6914 Hollywood Blvd., right across the street from the Chinese Theatre). The ceremony is FREE and open to the public, so come on down!!

— Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) August 13, 2018

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What’s the new show going to be about pic.twitter.com/doSHixQqWu

— Swear Trek (@swear_trek) August 4, 2018

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When you were partying, I studied the blade. When you were having premarital sex, I mastered the blockchain. While you wasted yr days at the gym in pursuit of vanity, I cultivated inner strength. And now that the world is on fire and the barbarians are at the gate you have the au pic.twitter.com/eG24BA6FLF

— your eyes. my tweets. let's make this happen!! (@ChrisCaesar) August 4, 2018

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Watch Clutch frontman Neil Fallon whip up a batch of tasty Maryland crab cakes in video for Hot Bottom Feeder: https://t.co/VRAM49u5VD pic.twitter.com/tYdoo6ztGj

— Metal Hammer (@MetalHammer) July 27, 2018

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