fuck marry kill pic.twitter.com/kFk8CnmOjW — Rebecca Watson (@rebeccawatson) December 12, 2018 from http://twitter.com/rebeccawatson via IFTTT

This Trump-Pelosi-Schumer argument demonstrates exactly why Republicans hate Nancy Pelosi with a passion. She is utterly tenacious, unyielding, unflappable and CANNOT be bullied. Her non-reactivity is also a narcissist’s worst nightmare. It strips them of all power. — The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) December 11, 2018 from http://twitter.com/HoarseWisperer via IFTTT

#GoodEatsReloaded pic.twitter.com/sacKC9mG6Q — Alton Brown (@altonbrown) December 11, 2018 from http://twitter.com/altonbrown via IFTTT

Not a lot of people know this, but in Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, when they sing about dancing “in the new old-fashioned way” they mean anal. — Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) December 8, 2018 from http://twitter.com/AndyRichter via IFTTT

Goodbye, Apone. RIP Al Matthews pic.twitter.com/MsxXFpPBPB — Duff Goldman (@duffgoldman) September 24, 2018 from http://twitter.com/duffgoldman via IFTTT

Thanks to Paul McCartney, now when people ask about my 25 year relationship with Andy Richter, I can say, “we’re friends but we’re not ‘masturbate-together’ friends.” — Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) September 15, 2018 from http://twitter.com/ConanOBrien via IFTTT

@robdelaney pic.twitter.com/Qf7ys2YPU8 — Kev Rich (@kevantrich) September 12, 2018 from http://twitter.com/kevantrich via IFTTT

AIDE 1: How do we make the moron happy today? AIDE 2: This is probably too stupid, but what if we told him he set the presidential record for most years since 9/11? TRUMP: https://t.co/BEPP0hVsBc — Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) September 11, 2018 from http://twitter.com/GuyEndoreKaiser via IFTTT

If you’re in Hollywood today, go get it! ?@AdamPerryLang? https://t.co/8vy8F4QQmC — Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) August 29, 2018 from http://twitter.com/jimmykimmel via IFTTT

The time has finally come… On Aug. 27 at 11:30 AM I’ll be getting my very own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (6914 Hollywood Blvd., right across the street from the Chinese Theatre). The ceremony is FREE and open to the public, so come on down!! — Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) August 13, 2018…