I have decided to dedicated my first contribution to the great YellowBeard Blog, to my Roommate, we will call him “Adam”.

Adam and I have known each other for a long period of time. Back in September of 1991, our family decided to move from Roseville, to beautiful Shoreview, MN. In doing so, we were introduced to a new breed of neighbors. This street had it all, drug addicts, cross dressers, infidelity, and as I would find out later, ManWh0res.
My first impression of “Adam” was that of a spoiled, only child who ALWAYS had the new Huffy on the block. As it turns out, he had approximately 82 “Step” siblings, but was still a cocky little shait. His father, was an older gentlemen that had a crackling smokers voice, but was actually a nice guy. He used this very platform to run for Shoreview Mayor in 1998. Unfortunately, despite the support of yours truly, and the rest of our neighborhood, “Dick” as we’ll call him for this piece, was destroyed by incumbent Sandy Martin, by a margin of 9,578 to 2,895 votes. He was also baseball coach for the Babe Ruth “Majors” League. Because his father was the couch, and was the one responsible for selecting his team, “Adam” was always selected to be on the “Majors”, regardless of ability or try-out day performance. This is the reason, at least as I believe it, that there was forever instilled a self confidence level that can be blamed for his launch through the charts of ManWh0reness.

As you may have guessed it, “Adam” was the first person on our block to have a girlfriend. (Of course, this just BARELY beat out the Scott/Jackie cold blooded connection, but that story is for another day). She was the same age as me, yet a year older than Metzler. I believe her name was “Libby”, but don’t hold me to that. My brother and I were walking up “Adams” drive-way one day, figuring we were going to play a little “strike-out” in Cul-D-Sac. As it turns out, we were in store for a pivotal step to “Adam” becoming a man. “Adam” and “Libby” were locked in some kind of a kissing demonstration that is typical for 13-14 year olds: very uncomfortable, sloppy, and out of control. After this faithful moment, “Adam” went up a couple of notches in my book.

Throughout our High School years, “Adam” continued his consistency with the opposite s3x. Not over-whelming numbers, but pretty damn good. By the end of High School, “Adam”s house was known by EVER Ramsey County police officer for the lude andunappropriate actions that went down in this abode. At some point in the late 90’s, by the either the fist of his father, or his desire to be out on his own, “Adam” moved to Brooklyn Center. Unfortunately, for better or worse, he had three roommates that were at one time, number 1,2, and 3 on the All-time ManWh0re list. These gentlemen, we’ll call them “Travis”, “Perkio”, and “Shumacher”, participated in NUMEROUS ungoddly s3x acts which included, but not limited too: Gngbangs, Sodami in the hall way while guests were visiting, and others which are too unappropriate for me to display at this time. This was officially the end for “Adam”, and any chance of him becoming a decent member of society. After approximately 1 year at this residence, breaking hearts, kicking ass, and taking various anti-bakterial medications, the landlord decided to blow up this group of deviants and throw them out on the street. Having no where else to turn, “Adam” had to call on his ol’ buddy (yours truly) for a place to crash on a short turn basis. This short turn basis has turned into a stint, off and on, of three and a half years.

Generally consider to be a friendly fellow, with a short fuse once intoxicated and pr0voked, I have to say that he has been an overall good roommate. He has, for the most part, kept his “Not so Reputable” encounters to a minimum at the ol’ house. Usually, you can find your typical ManWh0res lairs in damp, cold places where their cold hearts, and swollen heads can both find comfort. “Adams” favorite place seems to be in either a “Home” or “Visitor” bathroom. As the Head Crew Chief of the “Home” field, I must say that I am happy that he has chosen this location over my pooltable, which has been frequented by many friends of mine and their one night stands.

So this “Ataboy” goes out to YOU, “Adam”, and heres to you continuing your tradition as my favorite ManWh0re!

–AFB